Shhhh, I'm networking

"Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you." - Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam

THERE was this time when my colleagues and I were part of a media lunch with a gregarious bunch (read: lawyers). After about two hours, we packed into a lift and waved our good-byes as the door slid close.

When the door finally shut, all of us simultaneously let out a sigh that reverberated off the silver walls of our temporary sanctuary at the exact same time.

We laughed and knew what that was. It was the collective alert that our social batteries had drained to a dangerous low.

I was reminded of this distress signal for introverts after interactions with a few venture capitalists in the last month. There is a common assumption that such investors are raucous party animals making deals on a handshake in five minutes.

And sure, the investing circuit requires venture capitalists to make the rounds once a week at various dimly lit watering holes.

But the reality is that many private investors I've met are, in fact, more introverted than their calling card suggests. It comes as a surprise in the same way that observers are surprised by quiet reporters.

Perhaps it shouldn't, with introverts making one-third to half of the US population. And in the last five years or so, introverts have found some validation, after Susan Cain's de facto manifesto Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking was published in 2012.

For the introverts or ambiverts - those operating in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum - out there, do not fret. Those in the business of communication and investing have suffered through small talk, and have lived to tell the tale. Here are some cheeky survival tips.

Now, the founding members of the Introverts Anonymous are aware that on a Friday night, you'd love nothing more than to be tucked under a blanket, lost in a book.

Instead, the job requires you to undergo heightened stimulation from social interaction. Every corporate laugh, every forced clinking of glass, every cliched self-introduction, is amplified with loud music.

The obnoxious bass threatens to tremble out a hole through the floorboard - and at this imaginary point, you wonder if the floor would oblige to swallow you up as well.

For a start, under no circumstances do you mistake whisky for a warm blanket under which you can nestle, even if the physical effects are similar. This means you do not, under these tense situations, reach for a double whisky, one after another.

In this situation, the best drink in hand is a beer in a dark bottle. You nurse that bottle for hours, and clutch it for comfort when the conversation heads into mind-numbing territory. You may at some point feel intense longings of repurposing the beer bottle into a weapon for use on an extrovert. But it will pass, mostly.

You will not hunt this concrete jungle alone, for it is perilous. You will have to pair up with a fellow introvert who bears similar murderous thoughts about prolonged social interaction. And then, you will try, together, to engage.

To be fair, introverts should not fence themselves up on the mistaken belief that all extroverts would leech off their energy and suck them dry. See, only some will do so. The offending extroverts are usually very loud, so you can spot them from a mile off.

Besides, as Wharton professor Adam Grant has noted, introverts can enjoy social interaction as much as extroverts, because it meets a fundamental human need to belong. The best of the introverts generally do well in a squad of five, anyway. This is since many good superhero groups are organised in fives. The Original Avengers. The Original X-Men. Captain Planet's Planeteers.

So pairing up has its benefits on a risk-adjusted basis (yes, introverts calculate risks more than extroverts). If the small talk is going well, then an introvert might actually be having fun, and all is then well with The Force.

But if after an acceptable amount of tormenting small talk has passed - for extreme introverts, that's about thirty seconds - Introvert One can signal to Introvert Two that intervention is required. The signal should be subtle, say a high-pitched "oh really" exclamation uttered five successive times. The appointed wingman will then swoop in with a heroic explainer of Thomas Piketty's Capital. The conversation will cease in thirty seconds.

Finally, introverts must note the generally accepted principle that networking sessions are held in places that may have trouble paying their electricity bills, which is why most of them are plunged in darkness.

Therefore, wear black. Wear your hair in front of your face if it helps.

And when the small talk has reached unbearable proportions, slink backwards in slow, small steps, until you hit a wall.

Then, you will look to your left and right, and see some individuals dressed in black, leaning out in the same way - quiet, confident, and in dire need of an introspective recharge. You will be assured once again that while you are probably part of a minority, you are not alone.

All of you will sigh, together. And then, you will laugh enough to get by.